Challenging Toxic Masculinity in Early Years: Raising Kinder, Freer Boys

When we talk about masculinity, it’s easy to think of toughness or independence. But healthy masculinity is much broader than that - it includes compassion, vulnerability, and connection. Sadly, toxic masculinity - the idea that boys must be stoic, dominant, and emotionally detached - can begin to shape children even before they enter school. That’s why early childhood education plays such a vital role. The question we need to ask is: how do we nurture boys to grow into emotionally intelligent, inclusive, and kind individuals?

Understanding Gender Identity in the Early Years

By age two, most children can already distinguish between genders. By three, they often start building internal frameworks – schemas - about what is and isn’t appropriate for boys or girls. These ideas form quickly, influenced by the language they hear and the behaviours they observe.

When adults use phrases like “boys don’t cry” or praise boys for being “brave” but not for being gentle, we risk narrowing their emotional range. Even the toys we offer can send messages about what’s expected. Toolboxes for boys and dolls for girls can reinforce the notion that certain interests or behaviours aren’t "for them."

In early years settings, we have a responsibility to challenge these restrictions. Let’s encourage bravery and sensitivity, physical play and nurturing. The more freedom we give children to explore a full range of traits, the more likely they are to grow into emotionally rounded, self-aware adults.

Masculinity in Media: What Are Boys Learning?

Whether it’s through cartoons, video games, or YouTube videos, young boys are regularly exposed to media that associates masculinity with power, aggression, and emotional suppression. Characters are often praised for winning, fighting, or never showing fear. Even in early childhood entertainment, male figures rarely cry, care, or express doubt.

It’s not that action stories are inherently bad – but when those are the only kinds of male role models, they limit emotional development. Boys may begin to believe that gentleness or vulnerability are signs of weakness.

We can help balance this by watching content with children and talking about what they see. Asking, “Why didn’t he ask for help?” or “What else could they have done besides fighting?” starts important conversations.

We can also reframe stories through roleplay and storytelling. Could the superhero ask for help? Could the villain say sorry? These moments open doors to understanding that being kind, collaborative, and expressive are all part of being strong.

Helping Boys Embrace Their Emotions

Boys need space to express their feelings fully, just like everyone else. Yet, they often get fewer opportunities to do so. Instead, they might be directed toward acceptable emotions like excitement or anger, while feelings like sadness, fear, or affection are sidelined.

In early years settings, tools like feelings cards, mood thermometers, or empathy-led stories are powerful ways to help boys name and understand their emotions. Simple questions like “How does your heart feel today?” can create a safe space for sharing.

Activities that involve teamwork, turn-taking, and group problem-solving also support relational learning. During guided play, we can model how to express frustration respectfully, how to make amends, and how to show empathy.

We once saw a boy quietly sit beside a crying friend, offering a tissue without being asked. We praised that moment in circle time, not just to boost his confidence, but to show everyone that being kind is something to celebrate.

Designing Inclusive Learning Spaces for Boys

To support positive masculinity, we must look at our learning environments with fresh eyes. Are we giving boys permission to express themselves fully?

Move beyond offering superheroes and construction sets. Let’s also offer spaces where boys can explore creativity, care, and connection. Boys in the home corner, dancing, painting, or cuddling a doll shouldn’t just be allowed – they should be acknowledged and affirmed.

Bringing in male role models helps too – dads reading stories, uncles baking bread, or male artists leading creative activities. These moments expand what boys believe men can do.

Language also plays a role. When a child shows empathy, let’s say, “That was really thoughtful of you,” just as we might say, “That was very strong.”

Books like Tough Guys Have Feelings Too or Julian Is a Mermaid can diversify our book corners. Visual displays of boys being nurturing, expressive, or emotionally present help normalise these behaviours.

Final Reflections and Where to Go Next

Boys don’t naturally fall into narrow definitions of masculinity – they learn them. Early childhood is our chance to offer something different: a foundation rooted in emotional intelligence, empathy, and balance.

If you’re looking for practical tools to take this further, Time to Connect offers workshops and training designed to help educators support emotional development and inclusivity in early years settings. Our sessions are tailored to real-life practice, offering grounded strategies that make a difference.

We’re also proud to partner with Male Childcare and Teaching Jobs to deliver a unique mentoring programme for male students. This initiative helps boys and young men develop a strong, positive sense of self, moving beyond the limits of toxic masculinity. Through mentoring and guided reflection, we support them to grow with confidence, kindness, and emotional awareness.

Whether you’re working in a classroom, supporting at home, or influencing policy, there’s a place for you in this work. Let’s create a world where boys grow up knowing it’s okay to feel, to care, and to connect.